Chapter 1

A messed up cheesy kinda crush, with a twist.
Telling the shrink, that's how she started describing it.
Asking him to help her get over it, over what she never had and what never happened.

But she didn't know where to start from, lighting up a cigarette and taking a sip from he whiskey glass

How did you get here, he asked.

she smiled, I have no damn idea.
But all that I can say about how I got here is that as long as I can remember I had issues but I kept on telling my self that its normal, and you will now ask what changed.
I screwed up this time, and for the first time, I am not being able to fix it by my self.

I will start where it ended, I left him because I knew he was going to leave me.
But I always leave them, even when they don't want to leave me.

This time was different because for the first time I carried him around with me.
I can't say all the time, but in the times where he shouldn't be there.

he is there, I started to forget the details of his face, and that is a good thing, but I keep on reminding my self of that red spot around his nose, the long lashes, the cracked skin on his checks.
the smell of his hair, the smell of his body after we make love.
I used to cry once we finish making love if we finished.
I used to sleep with my lips touching his.
DAMN, IT see he is here now, and it is not helping.

It's okay ASH you need to let it all out so that you can get over it. he said.

Ohh no no you don't understand it was a mistake, not leaving him, but being with him.
she said lighting up her 2nd cigarette.

There was always one of him, but they fade away with the next one.
but this one, this one ain't going nowhere.

I can never see my self with him, but without him, i am not being able to see my self AT ALL!


Ash

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